PREVIEW OF 2011 MIDDLE EAST SEASON

PREVIEW OF 2011 MIDDLE EAST SEASON, (Asian Times)

Much like baseball in American and what springtime brings, hope for your favorite baseball  team, that phenom or veteran who will lead your team to a championship, springtime in the Middle East also represents hope of a new season. Although the stakes are a bit higher then an American League title or a world championship parade that Americans cheer for, the Middle East wonders about the possibility of another summer of war.

Instead of rookies making the team, or a wily veteran getting one more year out of his ability, the questions in the Middle East are whether a multi-billion dollar summer-time war will break out and where it will be staged. Codified into an elaborate ritual with ever-shifting alliances, incidents, threats, every accelerating arms procurement and large speculative bets on the financial markets, it resembles major league baseball.

Historically military campaigns in the Middle East have happened during the summer and is true today, the reason, simply enough, the weather. Air power and ground maneuvers get the best results and are most efficient during this time. To boot, harvests have largely been collected, freeing up manpower and is readily available and wars pose less a challenge to nations economies.

Like American sports pundits, expert  analysts and call-in sports talk shows, Middle- Eastern politicians and investors become unusually restless and try to predict, if not determine where and what will happen. It is a game  including risky bets, secret maneuvers, a game of intricate tactics and strategies, where short bouts of violence are encountered, but lasting for, at the most six or seven months. Sounds exactly like a major league baseball season.

The history of Middle East summer-time combat issues, since 1948 bears out the short-season plan of attack, mostly because of the enormous costs of modern warfare and the re-supply issues. Even better then America's national pastime, the teams can change not only from city to city, but country to country. This years potential line-up is jam packed with possibilities for a truly great season, possibly the best of all time.

Among the contenders, a great Arab revolution, or a counter-revolution, and a growing crisis in the Persian Gulf region. Worsening Sunni-Shi'ite relations across the entire Middle East could be a highlight of the coming season, but don't count out the Palestinian declaration of Independence slated for September, as a sleeper for the overall champion. Of course the major wild card is a possible war in, or with Israel by some upstart independent team that nobody can identify. Of course nobody can count out the old war horses, Syria as well as Lebanon.

All in all, 2011 should be a banner season, what with reduced ticket prices, the possibility of  alcohol sales and rock bottom concession and souvenir prices. An added attraction this year, Wednesday nights at every war site will be ladies night, where every women entering a war zone without a burqa will be admitted free. Friday nights are designated as family night, where every family member bringing their AK 47 will receive a free soda and a hot dog.

Sadly 2011 will not be hosting the annual all star bash, usually held in Mosul, Iraq. The damage inflicted at last year's mortar contest, which was won by Ali "lobes" Husinfat haven't been repaired. However plans are under way to hold the 2012 game at the fabled Jack of Diamonds park, if renovations are completed.

Many new faces will dot the rosters of the combatants, from the rich middle ranged missile shooters, the Hezbollah, Hamas and Kurdish militants, as well as other rogue sources. In addition, late season call-ups could help some of the waring parties, coming from, "Uncle Curly" as Muammur Gaddafi is affectionately called, from his Libyan guard.

Iran would have been a league favorite if not for the fact that a problem came up with their front office leadership, and they were forced to cancel the 2011 season. Rest assured, the "Oil Tap Men" will be back next season to defend their 2010 championship season.

See how easy it is to create a baseball season out of waring countries that have hundreds of years of war like activity. I think baseball has helped to keep America around for so long, with little exception, baseball molds peoples from all walks of life together, the rich, the poor and those in between. We come together as one and marvel at our diamond hero's and their exploits, it's what makes us unique as a people. Couldn't the world take a page from the United States history books,  with regards to how they might better resolve their issues, play ball.

"SLEEPY" TAKES ONE ON THE CHIN, (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)

Republican lawmakers are forming ranks against (some) of Governor Scott "Sleepy" Walkers proposed 2011-13 budget. But they do remain solidly behind the freshman governor's overall attempts to solve the $3.5 billion dollar shortfall without raising taxes. 

Two high ranking Republican officials said that the "Walker plan is a good frame-work," but it was not perfect, and work was needed to prioritize further the cuts in several areas. Cutting recycling aid to local governments by $32 million dollars, overhauling Senior-Care prescription drug plan, forcing thousands to enroll in expensive federal Medicare Part D plans where just two knotty issues that some Republicans have.

Additionally, the difficult fight that lays ahead over budget repair measures laid out by the Walker operating budget, he, "Sleepy" had to use politician capital (I don't know what that means, is it like money with his picture on it) to push his budget ideas by his own party, will be a battle royal. 

Walker's budget is being held up by a Madison judge, who is blocking it because of allegations of an open meetings violation. The budget is scheduled to take effect July 1st. assuming the judge finds in the governors favor, and the budget is then passed by both houses of the legislature. Stay tuned my loyal readers. 

OUCH! *%&@#!

OUCH! &**%@#!, (Los Angles Times)

Strangely it seems that uttering a well placed swear word now and then seems to help pain, a study from the Neuro Report has found. Using an occasional swear word after hitting a thumb with a hammer, or twisting an ankle can actually be therapeutic, even though it doesn't sound very good.

According to the report, there is no need to feel bad in using what my mother called "guttural language." I can attest to the fact that swearing after I hit my thumb with a hammer does ease the pain, I just didn't know at the time that, if I hadn't used some foul language, it would have hurt worse.

Researchers in England asked test subjects to put their hands in ice water and see how long they could keep them immersed, (a common practice because no damage is done) before they had to take them out of the water. Those that were allowed to use foul language feared better and reported less pain.

Those subjects that refrained from anything worse then a golly gee, or a holly smokes said that they suffered more pain then when they were allowed to let loose with a few expletives.

The findings have to be true, the study was conducted over a two year period at Keele University in Staffordshire, England. We all know how stuffy and dry those Brits are, here in the United States and how serious they take their research.

These findings give credence to one of my beliefs, if a person  doesn't drink, smoke or swear, he can't be trusted.  A person who won't use "locker room language" is, well, strange. I always found that some of the best athletes were the guys that swore like a drunken sailor, (I swear.)

Sadly the research program also found that the use of swearing after an injury helped those people that didn't usually swear, to that I can only say @&*%^$@.

BITS & PIECES

BITS & PIECES, (Frazer Chronicles)

So.....you thought you had it tough this week, well let me lay some of the world's worst actors and the most frivolous of people on you, that forever give people like me "meat" so I can continue offering up some of the stories that are "all the news that nobody else will print."

Our journey this week will take us into some of the most exotic sites in not only America, but to portions of the world that we seldom visit. This week's globe trotting sponsor is, well.....me, my eight little fingers and two thumbs. Let's get started right now.

GIRLS GONE (MILD), (Oakland County Press, Pontiac, Michigan)

 

A Saginaw, Michigan tavern owner is pissed off as hell today, following a Friday night visit by a Girls Gone Wild promotion that went, well, how can I put this delicately....."under appreciated." Seems as if the tour bus that brought the entourage of supposedly scantily clad women arrived with the busty gals in full street cloths and were not ready to expose the ample amount of skin that they have become famous for.
Things got so bad that the Saginaw cop shop was notified and several squad cars were dispatched to quell a possible drunken response by the 100 or so customers that showed up for the show. A 51 year old Portland man (not Portland, Oregon),  in fact lost his cool and pulled both rear-view mirrors of the bus.

Come to find out, all of the women were imports, had nothing to do with the actual Women Gone Wild organization, and therefore could not be held responsible for a below standard performance. As one cop put it, "give the babes a break, obviously for some, it was their first time into the professional world of dance and exhibition." 


ANOTHER JONES BITES THE DUST, (Frazer chronicle)

Florida pastor Terry Jones, yes, the same pastor Jones who burned a Quran in his home state, causing bloody protests throughout the Islamic world, and associates were jailed Friday in a Wayne County, Michigan jail for failure to post a $1 peace bond. Of course at the center of the case is whether Jones and his followers (he actually has some)  would breach the peace, considering all the circumstances involving the reverend.

The disrespect that Jones obviously has for religion, even his own, is testament that "Terry boy" is a flipped out whack job that is craving publicity during dangerous times in the world. Jones and a named associate, Wayne "what a" Sapp were denied a protest permit on Wednesday at the city offices in Dearborn, Michigan. The city also prohibited permits to four other (counter-protest) religious groups that were planning to protest Jones and his people.

Am I wrong, didn't a Jim Jones, of the People's Temple sell kool-aid to somebody in Guyana, no wait, he didn't sell kool-aid, he laced the drink with poison, gave it to his gullible followers,  killing more then 900. I hold little remorse for people that exhibit that much weak minded gullibility, but I do grieve for the children.

I wonder if this handle bared mustached Jones is related to the Guyana Jones? The ramifications of what this joker wants to do should be detested by every free American. Police from dozens of area towns were assembled in case violence broke out between this "sicky" and those opposed to his crap.



PROFILING, DO YOU INCLUDE GROCERY CASHIERS, (Frazer Chronicles)

I for one can answer the question with a resounding YES. Unlike those of you who might use a different set of standards to judge a cashier, like quality of service, a pleasant attitude, how quickly you get through a line, or the polite way coupons are excepted, my guidelines are easy to follow and directly to the point, having nothing to do with the expertise of her job.

Although I am 67 years old, am completely harmless and have been married to a wonderful women for 45, I assess my cashiers in a completely sexual manner. I have a rating system that has been established over many years of experience with this most important part of my shopping trips. You see, I love to grocery shop, have for years and many years ago, I developed my system of choosing just the right women that I will use as "my check-out girl."

First of all, they have to be attractive, (to me) they have to be friendly, not to overweight, "although I don't mind heavy" want to flirt,  will show a fair amount of cleavage, uniform permitting. What kind of service I get, if the girl is the right one, "I hope is poor."  If there aren't any people in line, after our transaction, she will "linger" and talk.

Tall, short, it doesn't matter, I am a shopper for all shapes, sizes and personalities, it doesn't matter to me, as long as they meet my basic criteria. I usually go to one supper market, I make friends with everybody so that I can access as many departments as I feel the need for. I treat everybody with respect and they do the same with me.

Most of the people at my super market know that shopping is "my job" and the service I get is always superb as is the conversation and the occasional view of cleavage, I can it a "fringe benefit" of shopping. When I am done with my activity, I call it "an event" I exit the story, leaving everyone in a better frame of mind then when I walked in.



TERRIBLE LINDSAY LOHAN, (Frazer Chronicle)

You loved her in Herbie:Fully Loaded, you marveled at her depth in the Parent Trap and you laughed at her in Freaky Friday. Now we see another side of this young vivacious starlet as she tackles the biggest role of her life, Lindsay Lohan.  That's right, somewhere along the early train-ride that she has traveled in her life as seemingly de-railed.

Drinking, drugs, reports of kinky sex (which I'm all for) and her latest foray into the criminal world, jewel theft. Clearly she isn't a very good thief and her drinking and drug binges are public record as well as thousands of pictures. The kinky sex, I have no proof, but I'm sure it's in there somewhere, anyway I hope so.

Sadly if somebody does not step forward and volunteers to be her "handler" her life will be short and filled with much pain and suffering, remember all those young starlets that we have already lost, careers cut short by stupid decisions, addictions and indulgent life styles.

I for one hope that she makes a recovery from her current trouble, gets her career back on track and appears nude in her next movie. If that happens, all of her troubles and tribulations will be worth it, "at least for me."



KENYA RUNS OUT OF RUBBERS, (Frazer Chronicles-Aljazeera)

I read with interest an article that appeared in the English version of Aljazeera with regards to a shortage of condoms in Kenya the other day which peaked my interest. I always figured the worst thing that possibly could happen with a prophylactic, years ago when on a date, was A. I didn't bring one, B. it was the wrong color, C. it wasn't the right texture, or the big one, D. it failed to do it's prescribed job.

Now I find out that an entire country has a shortage of the balloon type safety devices  and that they aren't used for the reason I thought that they were made for, "unwanted conception" but were used to fight HIV AIDS and other STD's, VD to you older readers.

Demand, particularly in the countryside, has been outstripping supplies by as much as 8 million wanna be involved, sex starved men. no wonder agriculture production has been suffering. Emergency shipments have arrived after the government made a world wide "profo" appeal.

Talking about sex, of any kind, apparently is something of a topic of taboo in the East African nation, making the epidemic of HIV, AID's and other STD's and the fight against the diseases all the harder to wage, and at least for one, "me" to understand, given the fact that sex isn't even talked about.

We here at Chronicle headquarters have pitched in and both Scoppy Scopowitz and your editor and chief have sent our own personal stock of the digital coverers.

UP IN SMOKE AND THROUGH THE PIPES

UP IN SMOKE AND THROUGH THE PIPES, (Washington Post)

So here we are at the end of another glorious week in American, land of the free and the home of the brave, the birthplace of Pampers, hot dogs and tailgating, can you dig it. In my daily search for eye catching material for my loyal readers, I, as your editor and chief have come across a couple of jewels, hope you enjoy, I know I am.

Smoking is an American issue, brought on the smoking coalitions throughout the United States, which are armed with statistical information until it comes out of your---. I have pretty much always excepted as gospel the argument laid out by the opponents of smoking. Smoking is bad for your health, can cause cancer, heart attack, respiratory problems, high blood pressure and give you bad breath.

All of this is true and then some. When I smoked cigarettes, was in an enclosed area, whether it was outside, or indoors, I always asked if anybody minded if I lit up and if somebody voiced displeasure, I  put my Kool Lites back in my pocket and waited for the jerk to leave.

Afghanistan, Iraq and now Libya also cause death and second hand war can also be fatal, yet there isn't a coalition against war making by the United States. War injuries do cost tax payers, the extended care that some returning soldiers need is astronomical and can be a lengthy process, yet.....no coalitions denouncing war.

I do not advocate for smokers rights, I don't think that they have any. There is no way that a smoker can make any sort of credible argument for the right to smoke. I do however have a problem with not being able to smoke in a tavern or in an open air athletic stadium. Smoking sections need to be used for this highly athletic pastime and non-smoking sections need to be obeyed, but smoking and drinking are as American as apple pie and Chevrolet trucks.

I go into taverns for three reasons, not any any particular order, to drink, to smoke and to watch the women. I feel that I do have these three rights as a red blooded American red neck, as long as I respect others and observe the rules of the tavern. Without rules we descend into the pit of public discord and I want nothing to do with discord.

I think that those states that have enacted non-smoking regulations in public places start down the proverbial slippery slope of more governmental control. I understand all of those concerns of second hand smoke and the cost to medical insurance companies and how we are all effected by increased rates. But where are the smoke cops going to stop, in our cars, in our houses, or in the very air that we breath?

I can answer all of these questions with one simply answer, YES. It is the goal of smoke free coalitions to stamp out smoking of any kind in America, I know this because I have attended meetings sponsored by some of these people and there single minded goal is to abolish all kinds of tobacco use, cigars, cigarettes, pipes, chewing tobacco, snuff and any other derivative of  the leafy plant grown basically in the southern states of America. Marijuana is not specifically mentioned, but is illegal in most states.

There still seems to be one bastion for smokers left in American, and we here at Chronicle headquarters can only say one thing, "way to go you southern and western states that have bucked the trend." You are trend setters, undoubtedly there will be a cloud of smoke over your states as more and more smokers are drawn to your principalities for the right to smoke where ever you please. 

Tobacco companies are rejoicing in your decision, road taxes will continue to roll in, making politicians happy and you will have some of the best roads in the United States. The only problem that I can see for these forward looking states is that they will become the land of the wheeze. Coughing and spitting up phlegm will become common place, but could be taken advantage of with luge spitting contests. Could you imagine luge spitting on ESPN or Wide World of Luge on ABC, I can.

Seriously if we want to allow people to smoke in certain areas roped off areas, those that smoke would not be eligible to  health care access for smoke related illnesses. When smoke related illnesses struck a smoker, he/she would simply be carried to a dark dry place and allowed to expire in a peaceful atmosphere. That, my smoking friend would be the ultimate price of your right to smoke.

THROUGH THE PIPES, (San Francisco Chronicle)

PG&E is at it again, or maybe never have quite. In an article dated 4-22-11, in the San Francisco Chronicle, California regulators were told by the power company that they will never find documents for some of it's older gas pipelines, and if the state doesn't except assumptions about some pipes, the company would have to spend 5 years shutting them down and testing them with high-pressure water to acess their integrity.

In a filing with the California Public Utilities Commission, PG&E could not satisfy a state order to come up with complete traceable, verifiable records on more then a third of  1800 miles of it's pipelines in and around urban California  areas.

The Utilities Commission issued the order (which seems reasonable to me) after it was revealed that Pacific Gas & Electric Company's records incorrectly described as seamless, the San Bruno pipeline that exploded in a fiery blast on September 9, 2010, that took the lives of  8 people and destroyed 38 homes.

Federal metallurgists concluded that the pipe failed at a seam weld and that PG&E never conducted inspections that might have detected the problem weld. Of the transmission line records that are still missing after a March 15th. deadline, they have proposed to pay a $3 million dollar fine and will continue their search by another deadline in August.

In it's filing on April 21st. Pacific Gas & Electric called the request for complete records unprecedented, saying that full documentation would be very difficult if not impossible to achieve. Before missing the March 15th. deadline, the company enlisted hundreds of employees to search through more then  a million boxed documents to back up PG&E's stated safety condition on the pipelines. Instead of the search, the company would like the commission to accept what amounts to an educated guess about the 600 miles of missing pipeline records.

PG&E proposed analysis by the company about all sorts of components, material specifications at the time of those material procurement, sound engineering judgement, and conducting excavation and field testing of pipeline systems as appropriate by company officials. There  never was a defined set of requirements that the California Public Utilities Commission gave to Pacific Gas & Electric. There is further, questions that  PG&E has with regards to whether the commission would except documentation, as opposed to actual high-pressure water tests to satisfy them.

PG&E stated that the only alternative to it's above stated plan was to either pressure-test or replace more then 700 miles of pipe. The company has resisted the pressure tests, citing cost, inconveniencing customers because of the shut-down of parts of the system and because the actual pressure test might weaken the pipelines.

Thank God I don't live in California, not only is some of the state sitting on an earthquake fault, other parts seem to be sitting on a natural gas pipeline that is suspect and in fact exploded, killing people and destroying  people's property. Guess what you guys, some of you might be sitting on a time bomb and the clock is probably ticking.

For Pacific Gas & Electric to be trusted by California customers  would be a leap of faith, given the power companies background with regards to track record in safety procedures. As stark evidence, one need only to watch the 2000 movie,  Erin Brockovick. I don't usually cite movies as part of any research that I do when I write about a subject matter, but in this case, I make an exception.

Hinkley, California is a Small community in the south of the state near Barstow. The United States does not define a census designated place called Hinkley, but it does have have a Zip Code  of 92347. In that way, through the Zip Code, it is possible to establish the population at 1,915 as of the 2000 census.

The biggest employer in the area was PG&E and a compressor station for the companies massive natural gas transmission pipeline. The station was used to re-compress the gas as part of the process of servicing it's customers with these types of facilities, located approximately 350 miles apart.

Large cooling towers were used to cool the compressors and the water used in these towers, when not in use was stored in unlined water ponds next to the towers. The water contained an ingredient to present rust in the machinery called hexavalent chromium, which ultimately severely contaminated the groundwater that the little community used for drinking, bathing and cooking.

Also located west of Hinkley was the Hawes Radio Tower that was used for military communication in the LF-range. The use lasted from the 1960's to the 1980's  before it was dismantled and use was discontinued. Whether the tower had any effect on the health of the citizens of Hinkley is unknown, as I can find no information that any studies were ever conducted.

However the contaminated water table of Hinkley brought a class action lawsuit and hundreds of people received parts of a $333 million dollar settlement that arrived at in 1994, to that point, the largest award in the history of the United States. As recently as 2008 an additional tort suit decision found in favor of more then 100 additional plaintiffs in the amount of  $24.3 million.

During the course of these two suits, it was found that PG&E knew about the contamination as far back as 1950 and tried to delay any settlement until a gas rate hike was in place so that shareholders wouldn't feel the bite of the payments.

All told, PG&E has paid more then $600 million dollars in settlements related to four separate lawsuits filed by Hinkley residents the saddest collection of millionaires in the United States. In a study released in 2010 by the California Cancer Registry, it was stated that "despite the contamination, cancer rates in Hinkley remained unremarkable from 1988 to 2008.

An epidemiologist involved with the study said that the 196 cases of cancer reported between 1996 and 2008 was "less then what would be expected," based on demographics and the regional rate of cancer, another reason I'm glad I only visit California. To minimize 196 cases of reported cancer in a 12 year period, in a community of less then 2000 people is, in my way of think heartless at least, and bone headed at the most, when one considers that in 2010 the estimate of cancer infected stood at around 11 million, or less then 4%. I guess for the demographics of Hinkley, 10% is acceptable, there must be a hell of  alot of cancer causing agents in and around the area, I'd move.

The rub on this entire scenario is the fact that PG&E won't pay a penny, the citizens of California will pay for the misdeeds of the power company through their monthly utility bills. A penny here, a penny there, a service charge, an installation fee, it might take years, but the stockholders will never pay, the good old American system at it's corrupt best.